Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
