Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
