i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
