he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
