So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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