Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize