Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
