I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
