Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
