Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
