And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
