therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
