I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
