this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize