At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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