Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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