I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
