I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
