He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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