I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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