do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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