remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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