It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize