Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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