So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
