youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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