I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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