Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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