I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you never un-have a 4some
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
