you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
