I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
