I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
