Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
