Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
