the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think your dad took our porno
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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