goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
