And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
