You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
