My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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