I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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