So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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