I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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