My friends, they love my intelligence
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
