We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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