She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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