he told me I talked like a deaf person
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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