i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
