Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
