If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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