I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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