When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
