Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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