Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
