I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
