Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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