things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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