Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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