My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
