She said her name was "party"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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