I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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