I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize