I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just cropdusted the office
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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