In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wanna go halves on a baby?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
