imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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