I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
