I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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