I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
