Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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