He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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