i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
