haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
