Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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