wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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