yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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