you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
