I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I see more hoeing in ur future
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