Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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