im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
