I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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