i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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