I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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