you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize