If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
