This dress was meant to end up on your floor
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize