i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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