I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
