Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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