I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
