there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize