It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
