he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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