I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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