i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
