i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
