It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
