she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
