Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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