We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That accounts for only three of the penises
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
