it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
