this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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