I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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