Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
