Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
