Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

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(360): View more from Washington

I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

Fav 30 4821 1870
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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(409): View more from Texas

You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.

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(802): View more from Vermont

He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.

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(260): View more from Indiana

I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra

Fav 7 1551 1245
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(972): View more from Texas

Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?

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(207): View more from Maine

I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.

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(310): View more from California

I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing

(914): View more from New York

Only at UConn...

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